Sexuality and Flirting for Dummies (mainly me).

Fig. 1- Let's get physical!

I don't know how to flirt.  I'm sure it's a pretty basic concept, but I'm the awkward type and usually do not know how to respond to the suggestion that the other person could be starting a flirtatious conversation with me.  I would attempt to go along, yet what happens if they really aren't flirting with me and I'm stuck in an awkward situation?

When in doubt, dance out.

Unfortunately, that's not something I can ever accomplish when I am at work and can't escape the customers at my table and my tip is weighing on their impression of me.  Though I hear many times, from friends and even my boyfriend, encouraging me to heighten my sexuality so I could make even more money than I normally do, but it's just not something I can grab ahold of.  If someone even makes a "kind-of" gesture, I give an awkward shifty-eye-glance and just continue with "Would you like fries as your side item?".

I get teased for the level of awkwardness I can bring to a situation, and I guess it's not something I can pride myself in.  But even through text conversations with friends, they get the idea of my cluelessness (see Fig. 1).

But on another side, how does one respond when a stranger walks up to you when you get off the Subway in New York City and say, "I want to suck yo' ass"?  I couldn't quite pretend that I was deaf, only because it was obvious with the expression on my face that I heard them, and from there I couldn't pretend that I didn't speak their language.  So I was stuck, as he walked a few steps with me and finally left.  When at work, I've gotten the question of "Does this restaurant have a hot waitress policy or something?".  Now that one, I'm sure I could have played along with somehow, yet they could have been checking out the other girls and not me, or he was just drunk from the one beer he had, or he was possibly kidding.

I replied with a simple and Courtney-esque "Uh, I don't know..." and the shifty-awkward-face was included.

A few times at work, I've had several male customers shake my hand and they tell me their names.  That was just strange.  But I don't have awesome flirting-sexual-slut-waitress-magic in my apron either because the pockets are filled with my order book, straws, pens and a change purse along with whatever cash I've received.  I have to admit, I have an obvious mental block and that is that I do not enjoy the attention of guys with the added fact that most of them (at least the ones around my age) are typically young, dumb, and full of come.

Basically, I guess what I am pointing out about myself that flirting is above my head.  And the boyfriend can account for that, so it's a miracle we're in a relationship now.